May 14th, 2017
As I grow older and meet new people with amazing life stories, I can’t help but realize how limited I’ve made myself in accepting my true self, doing what I love, and saying how I truly feel. I grew up thinking I didn’t matter and neither did my thoughts. And once I made mistakes, I knew for sure I should just stop.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped forming opinions. I silenced the part of me that had something different to say. I forgot, in a weird way, what it was that I truly liked. Like a new habit, I began shrugging and agreeing with the people I spoke to. Never steering the conversation too far from their opinions, never doing what might’ve seemed different. It became a practice.
And today I wondered eating alone in a restaurant for the first time, no phone included (I would usually just take the food in a library or a bookstore and hide between the books and eat), why I couldn’t create the new practice of being just me, and as cliché as it may sound, embracing the person I am. As I left the restaurant, my hands twitching for my phone, I knew I could. I would.
This picture is one that I HATED of myself. It was a picture from a “photoshoot” I was doing with my sister (Literally, just for Aroob lol). But I’ve embraced this side of myself, and I think I’m going to continue to share the parts of me I’ve hidden from myself and the world, one step at a time.
I know this isn’t a new story, many people have been there done that. But I had to share this moment, not just so maybe someone who is also out there thinking there is no space here for them to maybe realize that yes there is, but also for future me. I have faith in her. I’m slowly working on her and bringing her back to life. And I want her to see this.