fiery sunset from a few days ago…
when i think of looking back at my life, i imagine wanting to be able to close my eyes and experiencing my past with the same depth as i do my present. i want all my senses to come alive and bring those moments back to life. i want to feel the joy and sadness and bravery and fear with the same intensity in those moments of reflection as i did when they first flowed through me
like the day i witnessed the first downpour of rain on an empty road
i remember stopping in my tracks on that 4 PM spring afternoon. i remember my heart skipping a beat, my mind falling into a silence. i remember feeling the cold drops on my skin, and smelling the nature around me come alive. i remember looking straight up at the cloudy sky—all different shades of blue and gray—and taking in the buildings and houses and trees and grass and pavement around me as the rain painted them all a bit darker. i remember closing my eyes and breathing in the fresh, heavy air. feeling the cool breeze. i remember feeling so alive and so human and so on Earth
i love that.
i love that i get to relive that moment whenever i want with just as much intensity i felt in that moment as i do when i simply close my eyes
but i dont think there are many moments like that in my memory chest right now. its a thought that makes me sad because i remember feeling some moments more deeply than i remember them with now. and, i guess, i just hope that as life goes on, the moments that are worth remembering stay with me for as long as i want and that i dont forget to soak in as much as i can to revisit at a later time